Lately, I’ve been getting increasingly anxious about my upcoming wedding. Countless google searches later and I can determine that A. I should definitely not be with my partner and B. This is totally normal and there’s nothing wrong with my relationship. Some sources tell me to ‘listen to my gut instinct’, some sources tell me to take a quiz to determine my future and some just tell me to get on with it.

As well as it being highly stressful to be second guessing my marriage, it’s even more stressful that all of these articles, quizzes and kind strangers online don’t know anything about me or my relationship. How do I know who to trust when I don’t even feel like I trust myself?

Some of us grow up thinking that marriage is a Disney fairy tale, or, in my case – my parents marriage was so volatile that I grew up thinking there was probably no point in getting married when divorce seemed inevitable. After all, 2/3 of married couples get a divorce these days (as my sister loves to remind me).

After pondering my options, having multiple mental break downs and ugly crying to my partner about whether we were doing the right thing by getting married, I had a moment of clarity. None of us really know what we’re doing, do we? Everything we’ve learnt is a cultivation of our society, culture and the way we grew up. No way is ‘the right way’, life is not a fairy tale and you don’t always get what you want, or expected.

I decided that what would be really helpful, is to have someone going through the same anxiety as me, to know I’m not alone. That’s why I’m starting this blog – to share with you all my reality, to comfort others who feel like sometimes they just need to run away from it all. I love my partner, I want to marry my partner, but sometimes marriage feels like the scariest thing in the world – and that’s okay.